How to Have “The Talk” Before It’s Too Late w/Vivian Tu AKA “Your Rich BFF”

Mindy:
Hello, my dear listeners, and welcome to the BiggerPockets Money Podcast where we talk money and dating with Vivian Tu, my rich BFF. Hello, hello, hello. My name is Mindy Jensen, and with me today is the She Wolfe Of Wall Street, Amanda Wolfe. Amanda, I’m so excited you could join me.

Amanda:
I’m so excited to be here.

Mindy:
It’s always lovely to talk to you, and it’s always lovely to have you in the co-host position, so thank you so much for your time.
Amanda and I are here to make financial independence less scary, less just for somebody else. To introduce you to every money story, because we truly believe financial freedom is attainable for everyone, no matter when or where you are starting. Whether you want to retire early and travel the world, go on to make big time investments in assets like real estate or start your own business, we’ll help you reach your financial goals and get money out of the way so you can launch yourself towards your dreams.
Let’s move on to our money moment, where we share a money hack, tip or trick to help you on your financial journey. Today’s money moment is one that might seem a little bit obvious, but check your credit report regularly. This is a good way to make sure there isn’t any fraud and to keep track of your credit score and your financial progress. It’s important for a few reasons because, fun story, not so fun story, because last year I was almost a victim of identity fraud. Luckily, I had signed up for all of the credit report alerts, and I got an alert that I had signed up for a new credit card, did not, went on and realized that it’s actually a free for all if somebody has your information to apply for any type of credit.
My tip, on top of all of this, would be to freeze your credit with all three of the main credit bureaus, Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. That is free to do. You just go onto their site, they’ll try to sell you stuff along the way, but it’s free to do, just hit that freeze button. And then, the next time that you personally want to go take out a line of credit, you just have to go unfreeze it. I love that tip. In this day and age, if you don’t need your credit being used, obviously, unfreeze it if you’re about to apply for a mortgage or you need a new credit card or whatever, but yeah, if you don’t need something right now, freeze that credit right up. I love that tip. Thank you. Freeze that baby up. I’m telling you, like I said, it’s free and you do have to remember to unfreeze it for yourself, because I did try to go open one myself and forgot that it was frozen and was immediately denied, but you’ll remember, and it’ll be worth it versus finding out that somebody took out five credit cards under your name. But if you’re not going to do that, at least make sure you’re checking your credit report regularly. Awesome. All right, do you have a money tip for us? Email money [email protected].
All right. Amanda, I’m super excited to talk to Vivian Tu today. We are talking dating and finances, and honestly, this is some information I should have had back when I was dating. It’s been a minute since I was dating, but I could have probably gotten rid of a lot of those frogs that I was dating if I would’ve had more of this information or listened to some of the red flags, paid attention to some of the red flags that were popping up.

Amanda:
Yeah, I always like to say, taking money and dating, which are two already really complicated topics and combining them together just makes for potential disaster. And I always like to say that I think that when it comes to money stuff in relationships, that people tend to paint red flags green where they’re like, “Oh, this isn’t that big of an issue. I can compromise here, I can compromise there.” And then, those things tend to compound over time, so I’m super excited to talk to Vivian today to see what her advice is when it comes to love and finances because it’s a super complicated topic.

Mindy:
I am excited to bring these tips to our listeners, our single listeners who might need a little bit of help with starting the conversation.
Choosing a life partner is one of the most important things you could do for yourself, your happiness and your financial future. Today, we are talking with Vivian Tu, your rich BFF, about dating and finance, to help set you up for romantic and financial success. Vivian is an ex-Wall Street trader and is now the founder and CEO of Your Rich BFF Media and the host of the podcast, Networth and Chill. Vivian produces educational financial content on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube, with over 5 million followers across these platforms.
Vivian, welcome to the BiggerPockets Money podcast. I’m so excited to talk to you today.

Vivian:
Thank you so much for having me. I’m so happy to be here.

Mindy:
Okay, Vivian, before we jump in, can you tell us a little bit more about yourself, and when and how you started getting interested in finance?

Vivian:
I want to take this way back, way back, okay? I grew up the child of two Chinese immigrants, so there’s this massive emphasis placed on saving. They were really focused on survival, I’ll be honest. My parents came over to the US in their early twenties, and we certainly did not have a lot of money growing up, but I like to think of myself as someone who’s always just had it in my blood, because one of my earliest memories when it comes to money is, I was in the third grade, and you know how, at the beginning of the year, there’s a list of school supplies that you have to get? And I was a good student. I love school supplies. I would make my mom take me to the Target or the Walmart and we would get all the highlighters and the pens.
And one day, we had a project where we had to take out a highlighter and do something. And I knew for a fact that, if you sat next to a buddy who was not that good at managing their school supplies, you were just going to have to lend them one. So I knew sitting next to, we’ll call her Kay, this girl, her backpack, this is how I knew she wasn’t going to have a highlighter, was always open. It was always half open, and there was just stuff falling out of it, and I knew I was going to have to lend her a highlighter. So I actually turned to her and I was like, “Hey, let me see what’s inside of your school bag,” or, “your little school box.” And she had half a pencil, a chewed eraser and a chapstick.
So I told her, I was like, “Listen, I will give you a highlighter. I’m not going to just lend it to you. I’ll give it to you, you can keep it, but I want the chapstick.” And she was like, “I’ve already used this chapstick.” I was like, “I don’t care, I just want the chapstick, give me the chapstick.” And she was like, “Yeah, okay. She thinks she’s getting this sweet deal.” So I give her the highlighter, I get the chapstick. And later on in the day, I took a paperclip and I twirled up the bottom of the chapstick until there’s a little … Enough out, took the paperclip, sheared off the top, twirled it a little bit back in, cleaned it off, capped it, and then, I sold the chapstick to another girl for a dollar so that I could have a dollar to go spend, and that was how I began running an underground chapstick entrepreneurship ring.

Mindy:
Oh, my gosh. I had no idea where that story was going, and it was so much better than I could have ever imagined. You’ve been a trader since childhood. Oh, my gosh.

Vivian:
I look back on this moment, I’m like, “That’s kind of gross, Viv. You sold a girl a used chapstick,” but you got to admit the hustle was there.

Mindy:
Absolutely. You saw a gap in the marketplace, and you went and filled it. That’s one way to phrase it. Okay, Vivian, I have a question for you, then. You obviously have taught yourself a lot around financial literacy, personal finance. You’ve been helping your friends, your colleagues, strangers on the internet, but what do we do when it comes to dating and money? I feel like that’s where things can get a little tricky. In your opinion, what are some of the biggest mistakes that people make in the area of dating and money?

Vivian:
I think the biggest one is just not talking to your partner about money. I think all of us don’t want to make it weird. We don’t want to bring up finances. We don’t want to talk about icky topics. You want this Disney Channel romance where it’s sunshine and butterflies all the time, and I am so sorry, but we’ve seen the stat. 50% of marriages end. And on top of that, if you know that money and sex consistently rank as number one and two, every year, there’s a new study, they switch places up and down, one and two, one and two, you know for a fact, though, money and sex have been the two top reasons why couples fight, why wouldn’t you put as much effort into your money life as you do your sex life? I think we are all very, very comfortable talking about sex these days. It’s great. That has really desensitized us to a lot of that material so people can be really sex positive and we can talk comfortably about that, but we need to do the same where we desensitize people to talking about money, because it should not be easier to talk about private parts than it is about pay.

Mindy:
But it’s not cool to talk about money. It’s not couth to talk about money.

Vivian:
You know what it is cool? Going on that vacation to Mykonos. You know what that needs? Money. You know what’s cool? Being able to buy your dream home so Rover and Spots can go run around the backyard. That’s cool. You know what that takes? Money. Money is cool. I’m so sorry. Unless you are living off the grid, you make your own food and you hunt your own fish and meat and you chomp your own fire … I’m sorry, I’m not doing that, okay? These hands, no manual labor, I can’t do that. So if you want to live a normal life in society where you participate in capitalism and consumerism, as it stands, you need money. And I think the argument that it’s uncouth or rude or tacky to talk about money has just been like the most genius marketing play by rich people I have ever seen, because I have now grown … I grew up, I would say middle class, upper middle class. I have now seen wealth beyond my wildest imaginations.
I have seen people who own islands. I have hung out with people who own full-floor apartments in New York City. I know those people now. And let me tell you, we’re always talking about money. And my fiance, I don’t golf because I’m not dextrous and I can barely see the ball when it goes, but he plays golf. And when you go to a golf course, you always see two old dudes, they’re teeing off and they’re talking about their portfolios. They’re talking about how much they made last year at XYZ hedge fund. They’re talking about that. Why is it cool that two dudes who have a lot of money can talk about money, but two young women, two young people of color, two lower income people can’t talk about money. That’s so weird, don’t you think? It shouldn’t be embarrassing or rude to talk about our finances.

Mindy:
I totally agree, yes, totally agree, hands down. And I think that you nailed it with, rich people are always talking about money and maybe the average everyday person isn’t quite to that point yet. And I think that people have a really hard time just being open about money because you don’t know what you don’t know, you feel so behind, like you should have more. But when it comes to dating and relationships, we have to have those conversations. If we want to be going to Mykonos, hopefully, our partner’s going with us. If we’re showing up to that wedding, hopefully, they’re with us. So at what point in a relationship or in dating do you think that you should start asking those money questions? And then, how do you bring it up without being awkward?

Vivian:
I say date one, but the conversation looks different. I think, when I say talk to your partner about money or talk to your date about money, people think I’m showing up to a first date being like, “Bring your pay stub,” and that’s not it. Don’t ask someone to bring their credit report date one. You will get ghosted. But I think it’s okay to talk about money in a way that’s really fun. I think a common first date question that I used to ask is, “What’s your dream vacation? If money was not a factor, what does your dream vacation look like?” And it tells you deeply about someone, because if someone’s dream vacation is to go scale Mount Everest, which is a very expensive activity, I know, because my lash guy actually went and climbed it. It was really impressive. But that costs tens of thousands of dollars to do, versus someone who’s like, “Oh, I want to go to an island in the Caribbean, and I don’t want to move for seven days and I want to drink … I want to constantly have a pina colada in my hand.” That tells you about someone. That explains what they value. Are they an adrenaline junkie? Are they someone who really loves to really, really relax? And that question does not come off as she’s asking me, or he’s asking me about money. It comes off as, they’re asking me about my interests.
I also think asking questions like, “What is the place where you would envision living long-term,” especially for young people because I feel like so many of us, these days, are very transient. You live a couple of years in this city, a couple of years in that city. It’s like, “What’s your ultimate end goal? Do you want to own a penthouse in New York City or do you want to own a single family home in LA? Do you want to live on the beach in Miami? Would you rather be in the mountains in Colorado?”
Again, that tells you about someone, but also, their answer will explain what ballpark of money they’re playing in, and I think that’s really helpful. It doesn’t need to be an awkward conversation, because if you’ve already introduced those topics, then, to date number two, you can talk a little bit like, “Oh, tell me about your work. Do you like it?” Date three, four, five, you’re starting to get to know each other a little bit more. You got to talk about, first date, “Are we splitting the bill? Are you covering the bill?” I personally am of the whoever invited should pay bill type thing. But if you’re consistently dating someone for a longer period of time, I don’t necessarily think it’s fair for one person to always cover all the expenses, unless there’s a serious mismatch in income. Again, these are all conversations you can start to have down the road as you’ve become warmer and warmer to those topics, because it’s going to feel less and less awkward if you’ve already broached the subject.

Mindy:
Okay, we agree that talking about finances is important. And I know there are people who are listening to this show who are saying, “Okay, but I’m already in a relationship and we haven’t talked about money.” How do you bring it up now that you’re invested in somebody?

Vivian:
I do this with my fiance. We talk about money so often, but when we first started dating and we were dating more casually, I didn’t have a ring on my finger or anything like that yet, we would sit down every two weeks or every month, whatever cadence you and your partner feel comfortable with, and we would turn a money conversation into a date night. We would get a pizza, we would get some wine, we would have a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer waiting for us, and we would sit down and we would discuss, “Do we have enough save for that trip to Italy this summer? Do we have enough saved to potentially move into a nicer apartment? Should we get a new couch?” All of these things cost money, and talking about that after you’ve gotten into a relationship can be challenging unless you make time for it.
I think, Mindy, you also are asking, how do you even broach the subject? I think it’s with a lot of openness and honesty, but I would utilize a moment of either spending or transition or event to bring it up. If you have a vacation coming up, that’s an easy time to bring up the money topic because someone’s got to pay for that vacation. If you are buying something new, a large couch, a large TV, great time to talk about money because someone’s paying for that item. Or moving, that’s a huge one, I think, especially since more and more couples are living together before they actually sign any paperwork or get married or do anything like that, you got to talk about money.

Mindy:
And what if you start these conversations, let’s say, well, maybe you’re a couple years into your relationship and you’re just now sitting down to have these conversations and you’re like, “All right. Let’s do it.” And then, you sit down and do that, and then, you figure out that your partner has completely different money values than you. What would you recommend in that situation? They want to live in a cabin in the woods and you are trying to live your high life in Miami.

Vivian:
I think this is actually a really important pivotal moment that many people don’t get to because they don’t talk about money early enough. Or, too, they’re like, “I can’t see these red flags. I can’t read.” And I just think it’s so silly, because I don’t think it’s fair for you to attempt to change your partner fundamentally from who they are.
Sure, you can train your fiance to not spit his toothpaste in the sink weird like I have, but I don’t think … If your partner wants to live a certain life and it is drastically different from the life you want to live, I don’t think it’s fair to ask either one of you to compromise. You need to really have a moment where you come together and you’re like, “Based on what we want, is this relationship going to work?” And I think it’s just as important to have these conversations about other topics too. One of you wants kids, one of you doesn’t. It’s really not fair to try and convince the person who doesn’t want to have kids to want them, and it’s not really okay to coerce the person who wants to have children to just not. You should be able to have the life you want, but you’re going to have to find a partner that matches that, and sometimes, somebody who you do love is not the right match. It’s not a good fit.

Mindy:
I think that’s really a great comment because, if you aren’t having these conversations … I look back at some of the people that I’ve dated … Oh, that would’ve been a terrible marriage. That would’ve definitely ended in divorce. And that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love them in the moment, but they weren’t right for me long term, and I wanted to have kids, so partnering up with somebody and not talking about having kids, which I don’t think is necessarily a first date conversation, but it’s definitely within the first five or 10 dates, you want to know, “Oh, you’re totally against having kids? Thank you so much. It’s been nice knowing you, but we’re not compatible, because my life would not be complete without kids. And that doesn’t mean that you’re wrong that you don’t want kids. The best time to not have kids is when you don’t want them, but I want them, so I don’t want to continue down this path.”
The same point with the money. I’m a frugal person. If you want to be this spend every dime and figure out how you’re going to pay for it later kind of person, I wish you well, but that would give me so much anxiety I would never sleep in my whole life, and that’s not worth it to me. So I’m sure you’re nice, but I hope you find somebody that’s more compatible with your lifestyle. Again, that’s an earlier in the relationship conversation, so you don’t have to have heartbreak. Then, you’re just like, “Wow, that guy was really nice. It’s too bad it didn’t work out,” kind of thing.

Vivian:
Wait. Can I tell you guys the funniest story?

Mindy:
Yes.

Vivian:
I had a girlfriend who had gone on a string of good first dates, and she was dating these guys, and each one of them, by date five or six or whatever, just consistently, they would have a fatal flaw. And the fatal flaw would be, they eventually wanted to move back to the Midwest and she wanted to be in Seattle long-term, or they didn’t want kids. There was just always something wrong with them, and not so much that wrong with them, but wrong with their compatibility. This girl, I have never seen someone approach dating this way. I don’t know how many hours she put into this, but she was aggressively swiping on dating apps for a couple hours each day, and then, she would go on these dates and she would have an Excel spreadsheet of all of their names on the first left-hand side column, and then, across the top, questions that she needed answered. So, “Do you want kids? Where do you want to live? What kind of job do you have? How much money do you make? Do you have debt?” All of these really hard hitting questions. And she would ask them all first date, and then, she would give them a score.

Mindy:
Oh.

Vivian:
Based on … Amanda’s cringing right now.

Amanda:
I’m not cringing. I’m just like, “That is bold.”

Vivian:
Yeah, it’s super bold. But they would get a score based on how many points they scored. I guess, if you said you wanted to live in Portland, that was better than wanting to live in Dallas. That would be a few extra points. Even though it wasn’t Seattle, it was good enough. And they would get a ranking out of 100, and then, after every series of 10 dates, she would then purge half of the list, and that’s how she would decide who would get a second date. And then, she would purge half of the list.

Mindy:
Did they know they were being scored?

Vivian:
No.

Mindy:
This was all behind the scenes. Okay.

Vivian:
Yeah, she wasn’t bringing the PowerPoint deck to the date.

Mindy:
Well, I’m just like, “Does she come with a list of questions? How much money do you make? Where do you want to want to live?”

Vivian:
She’s very charismatic. She’s a very cute, nice girl, and I’m sure she worked it into the conversation very naturally, but when we found out about this Excel sheet, we would not stop giving her a hard time. And it was amazing, because she lived by the motto that if you’re not dating to get married, you’re dating to get your heart broken, and that’s really smart. She was not trying to waste her time. She’s like, “I have a great job. I make a ton of money, but I’m very busy. I work 60, 80 hours a week. I don’t have time for this, so I got to know, from jump, if we even have a compatibility factor. And if we don’t, I’m not going on a second date.” And I don’t recommend that to everybody listening, to be clear.

Mindy:
Time is our most precious asset, right? Sounds like she’s …

Vivian:
Right. The only thing you can’t buy more of. But I do think there is some value in what she did, in almost taking a little bit of the emotion out of it, because you’re on a first date, you’re on your second glass of wine, you’re like, “Oh, my gosh, I really like this guy.” No, you just really like wine, okay? Calm down. You don’t like this guy. There are so many red flags you just can’t see right now. I think her methodology of asking the questions that were really important to her early on is really smart. I don’t think you need to make an Excel sheet, I don’t think you need to hit them on date one, but the sooner you ask them, kind of the better. Why waste each other’s time?

Mindy:
Well, exactly. If you are looking to get married, ask that question. “Hey, do you see yourself getting married?” “No, I never want to get married.” “Great. I don’t even need to score the rest of you. I’m just going to cross you right off the list. Check, please. Yeah, you’re negative 100.”
Okay, this is, again, more getting to know somebody. What if you’re already not just in a relationship but you’re in love with someone and you haven’t had this conversation, you hear the show, you discover that you should have a conversation about money with your love, and you discover that they’re in a really bad financial situation, or they are so far apart from your financial mentality. What do you do? When is it worth breaking up with somebody, and when is it worth trying to salvage a relationship?

Vivian:
I think that has a lot to do with both people. I hear this phrase a lot, “XYZ didn’t love me enough to change.” Someone’s not going to change because they love you. You need to make sure that someone loves themselves enough to want to change so that you guys can have a happy, healthy life together. But it’s not, you take care of me, I take care of you. You take care of you and I take care of me, and that way, we can work together as a team.
I think it’s really important to, again, if you’re seeing, Mindy, you and I are dating, we’ve been dating for four or five years, we’re kind of talking, “Ooh, what kind of ring do you want? Yada yada.” We have the money conversation. You find out I have six figures in student loan debt. I have five figures in credit card debt. You need to really take a deep second to think about, “Is that something I am okay helping with for, frankly, a long time?” If it’s not, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with deciding that that’s not the right partner for you.
However, if you’re like, “This person is amazing. I really want to be with them,” you need to sit down and have that conversation and be like, “Listen, I’m concerned that the amount of debt you have is likely going to hinder our ability to do the things we want to do.” Whether that be buying a home, starting a life together in a new city because somebody got a new job, because you want to go on vacation together, you want to have a great wedding, you need to have that open and honest conversation. And maybe you come to speak with that person and you find out, “Oh, you have that much debt because your parents weren’t able to help you with school, but now, you have a really great plan that you are aggressively paying that debt down.”
That’s one conversation. That’s a completely different conversation from, “Oh, it’s no biggie. I’m still putting a bunch of charges on my credit card.” Having that plan and being like, “I’m willing to tighten the belt with you over the next two, three years to really just crush this debt or get you in a better financial place,” that’s love. That’s love in action. But if your partner who’s in a bad financial position doesn’t love themselves enough to want to change, trust me, you’re not going to be able to be the one to do that. And frankly, when you get married to someone, when you get the government involved, it doesn’t make people suddenly wake up and be better with money. Who they are before you get married is the same person they will be after you tie the knot. I feel like a lot of people don’t want to hear that, but I think it’s just really important. Sometimes, if someone does not value a dollar the same way you do, it’s not a match.

Mindy:
I completely agree with everything that you said. And like you said, there are some people who, they got into their six figures worth of debt for … Everything is for a reason, right? But they recognize it, maybe it’s the student loans, they’re a doctor now, whatever, or six figures of student loan debt is very different than somebody who has six figures of consumer debt. How they got in that situation, that’s a really important conversation to have, and they mean different things.

Vivian:
Exactly. And I think of some of my best girlfriends who have six figures of debt because they took on debt to go to undergrad, they took on debt to go to medical school, and they’re going to become plastic surgeons. You know that money’s eventually coming back. You know that debt’s going to get paid down. Both of the two people in the relationship actually have debt. So great, you’ll be fine. You have a plan to pay it down as soon as you start to make any meaningful amount of money. It’s very different than someone who’s like, “Oh, yeah, I got this debt because I was balling at the club buying tables.” It’s also very different to be like, “Oh, I have $15,000 in credit card debt because I got a kidney stone, didn’t have insurance at the time, had to put a charge on here to not completely blow up my credit score.”
Truly, we are all just doing the best with what we can, with what we have, and debt is just a financial tool. Some people are taught how to use it better than others, in the same way that, when rich people borrow money, we call it leverage; when poor people borrow money, we call it debt. Debt is not morally good or bad, and I think that we should stop thinking of it as something only shameful and bitter, bad people. People use debt. It is what it is. And when you have debt, the type of debt you have is important, but also just, do you have a plan? Do you have any idea what you are going to do? If you come into a windfall of money, are you going to pay it down? Are you going to invest instead? Or are you going to go blow it at designer shopping? Because those are three very different scenarios and you got to understand who you are with.

Mindy:
I totally agree, and I think that is what’s going to make a longstanding partnership, right? So then, what about when it comes to actually sitting down and doing the financial planning together as a couple, do you think it is okay for one person to manage all of the money?

Vivian:
No. No.

Mindy:
Do you think it needs to be a joint thing? What do you think that looks like? I already hear you. You’re saying no.

Vivian:
I didn’t even mean to cut you off, but that question gives me the heebie jeebies, because I have gotten so many DMs, in particular from women, I’ll be honest, that are like, “Unfortunately, my late husband just passed away. I have no idea what any of the passwords to the accounts are. I don’t know how much money we have. I don’t know what to do,” and that is terrifying.

Mindy:
This is the family emergency binder from Smart Money Mamas. It is the finance planner that you need before your spouse passes away. If your spouse is doing all of the … Or your partner is doing all of the planning, this has all of the passwords, all of the accounts, all of the everything so you can plan for a financial emergency. I love this. It comes as a little keychain USB thing, and it also comes as a principal document so you can fill it all out if you have, maybe you’re tech averse, but yeah, all the things that you need, because you’re absolutely right. I just spoke at a conference for widows, and that was the number one question that I got afterwards was, “I don’t know where to start in this … I’ve got all these papers, but I don’t know what any of them mean because he did the planning.”

Vivian:
And frankly, I would say, a situation where your partner passes and you’ve been together for a very long time, you were happily together, when I get those DMs, I’m like, “This is so tragic and upsetting, but eventually, if you guys have put together a decent will, or there’s a trust setup or there’s some sort of documentation that things are going to be left to you, at least, you’ll eventually get it.”
The other story that I get a lot is, “I just caught my partner cheating, and now, I’m locked out of all the accounts, and all of this is being switched up, and we’re filing for divorce. I haven’t worked in the past 10 years because I was given this promise that I would be the homemaker, I would take care of the kids. I gave up my career to do that, and now, I don’t have anything to my name.” And that actually really, really upsets me. I think every single partnership, I don’t care if it’s a traditional setup where there’s one breadwinner and one person who stays at home, I don’t care if it’s two people who go to work, I don’t care if y’all are just living off of somebody’s grandpa’s inheritance. I don’t care. You need to have the conversation about how you’re spending, where that money’s coming from, what your expenses are, what you’re saving for, what you’re investing in together. Because if you don’t and somebody doesn’t know what’s going on, you’re going to be in a bad place if anything were to happen.
And I also think it’s important, and I say this to any of the women listening, have your own money. Have your own rainy day bank account. This is your runaway money. What’s that movie with Julia Roberts?

Mindy:
Sleeping with the Enemy.

Vivian:
Yes. You need to have your runaway money. You have to have money for a rainy day. And thankfully, in many cases, you won’t need it. Most of us have decent partners, and if you don’t have a decent partner and you have a very horrible, terrible, acrimonious end to your marriage, that’s it. That’s fine. But if you are in a dangerous situation, which many people do end up in, you have to have rainy day runaway money.

Mindy:
Vivian, I think that’s a very, very powerful note to end on. Do you have anything final to share with our listeners?

Vivian:
Yeah. Always date someone who makes you feel big. I have had partners who dimmed my light because they could not shine bright enough to keep up with me and damn, does that suck to try and make yourself feel small and fit into a box so that person could feel better about themselves? No. You deserve to be a hundred percent you. You deserve to be the best version of you you can be. And if you find a partner that helps you feel big, not only will you get to feel the best and do your best, have the best career you could possibly have, live the best life you could possibly live, but they’re going to help improve you as a person.
I say this all the time, but the reason I’m marrying my fiance is because he makes me a better person. He is my sounding board, he is my confidant, he is my biggest cheerleader, and when I’m having a bad day, he knows exactly which sushi spot to order from and how to rub my back the way that I like it. And I think having a supportive, conscientious partner is going to take you a really long way, because it allows you to take risks and make strategic jumps in your life when you have opportunities arise, versus turning them down at the fear that you doing good and getting an opportunity means that they have missed out on one.

Mindy:
Yes. Just because I get an opportunity doesn’t mean that you’re less than, and just because you get an opportunity doesn’t mean that I’m less than. Your success is my success. My success is your success. I love that for you. I love that for you, and I hope that everybody listening has that too. And if they don’t, take a look at your relationship and see, is this really, really what you want? And be honest, because you only get one life. All right. Vivian, if somebody were to look you up online, where would they find you?

Vivian:
You can find me across all social media as Your Rich BFF.

Mindy:
Oh, I love it. Okay, Vivian, you are my new BFF. I love rich BFFs. And thank you so much for your time today. This was a lot of fun. I really appreciate you sharing your relationship and money perspective.

Vivian:
Thank you so much for having me.

Mindy:
Thank you. We’ll talk to you soon.
All right. That was Vivian Tu, talking about dating and finance. I really loved what she had to say today about finances and relationships. I’ve been married for 21 years, almost 22 years, and I can say from experience, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Communication about everything: money, household chores, investments, vacations, life plans, literally anything and everything, you should speak to your partner about. If you want your partner to know something, you have to tell them. And if you want to know something from your partner, you have to ask. And I really liked Vivian’s advice on how to get these conversations started, especially in a newer relationship, because it can be kind of awkward to talk about money. Amanda, what did you think of the show?

Amanda:
Yeah, I loved it. And I think you’re totally spot on, that we can’t read each other’s minds, and as uncomfortable as it can be, the earlier we can have conversations around money and relationships, the better. But I really, really loved what she said toward the end, where her biggest piece of advice when it comes to dating and relationships is to find someone who does not dull your light. And I felt like she was a light force just coming through the screen here, coming through the microphone, and I think she hit the nail on the head, because a lot of times, in relationships, we feel so … Maybe we fall in lust or love, and then, we end up making compromises on who we are as a person, things that we want in life, different types of goals in our lives. Find that person who’s going to help you shine your light brighter and not dull it. And I do think that involving conversations around money and what those goals and life will look like early on is really important, and I loved that takeaway from the show.

Mindy:
Yeah, I did too. Find somebody who is a true partner in your life. It is your life partner, and you should be happy with this [inaudible 00:38:57]. There’s always going to be issues, but you should overwhelmingly be more happy than unhappy with your partner.
Okay. Amanda, if somebody were looking to find you online, where would they find you?

Vivian:
Well, you can find me at Shewolfeofwallstreet, that’s Wolfe with an E, .com, which is my website, or across any of the social media platforms, She Wolfe Of Wall Street.

Mindy:
All right. That wraps up this episode of the BiggerPockets Money Podcast. Big thanks to Amanda for joining me today in the co-host seat. She is Amanda Wolfe, the She Wolfe Of Wall Street. I am Mindy Jensen saying, time to sail, orca whale.

Speaker 4:
If you enjoyed today’s episode, please give us a five star review on Spotify or Apple. And if you’re looking for even more money content, feel free to visit our YouTube channel at youtube.com/biggerpocketsmoney.

Mindy:
BiggerPockets Money was created by Mindy Jensen and Scott Trench, produced by Kaylin Bennett, editing by Exodus Media, copywriting by Nate Weintraub. Lastly, a big thank you to the BiggerPockets team for making this show possible.